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It’s hard for me to say no to invitations
because I don’t want anyone to feel bad…
by Maria Gracia
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Question:
I’m always being invited to social events. graduation parties, barbecues,
class reunions, baby showers, home parties, weddings, birthday
parties...the list goes on and on. I don’t know how to say no, so I always
say yes, and then often regret my decision. It’s not that I’m anti-social. It’s
just that I’m so busy already, and my time spent with my family is limited.
It’s hard for me to say no, because I don’t want anyone to feel bad or that
I don’t like them.
--Katie in Vermont
Maria’s Response
Hi Katie,
While it’s definitely nice to know that your presence is wanted by many,
accepting invitations to every social gathering that comes your way is
clearly not something that is fitting well into your life.
Most of the time when you decline, if you’re honest, people will
understand.
1.
Decide what you DO want to say yes to: There are going to be some
gatherings that you want to attend. These will likely be those events
that are hosted by or thrown for people who are very close to you,
like an event for your sister, or a party for your best friend. Once you
define those events you do want to attend, it will be easier to know
which ones you don’t want to attend.
2.
Respect your time: Just because you’re invited, certainly doesn’t
mean you have to say yes. If you don’t respect your time, nobody
else will either. Only you can protect your schedule. Next time you
are invited to a party for a not-so-close friend that you’re absolutely
sure you don’t want to attend, simply say, “I’m so flattered that you’ve
invited me. Thank you so much. Unfortunately, my schedule is
already over-extended and I’ll have to decline, but I hope you enjoy
it” or “I’ve spent no time with my family this month. While I so
appreciate the invite, I’ll have to decline this time. Thanks so much
for asking me. I appreciate it.”
3.
Set aside an alternate time: Perhaps you don’t want to go to a
particular event, but maybe you’re willing to meet with this person to
go for a run or for coffee. If that is truly the case, you might say, “I
can’t make that particular event. But I would love to get together with
you. How about coffee next week on a day that works for you?”
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